Hidden Strengths

Marilyn Monroe "strength"
Originally uploaded by curious-feline

I'd loved to express myself masterfully through the art of words. Instead I find myself I publishing a post filled with links to sites where people had the gumption to say what they think, feel, want and hate.

When I began to blog I was excited to finally discover a vehicle to get it all out and find others who were interested in what I had to say. Here in my house I feel safe and secure to share anything that my heart desires, at least I use to. Its tough to pour your heart out when only a few people comment. I love that anyone reads my writing, but I really want to know what they think.

I'm not sure why feedback is so important to me. Maybe I want to know how to improve. Maybe my writing is so personal that I feel rejected if no one cares to comment.

This blog was originally titled Love Lust and Life. LL&L is my online journal; a chronicle of my life experiences and choices. I want to share the good the bad and ugly in my life. Also LL&L will promote tolerance; I hope that by sharing different aspects of my life, people might become patient with others and themselves. As a social person who can experience platonic love at first sight I work hard to understand everyone's point of view and personal plight. I hate it when people are mean, harsh, critical, gossipy, or two-faced. I hate when people exclude or pick on people just in order to display their own hysterical hierarchy. So LL&L has become an extremely open minded, loving, humble and patient blog.

I really appreciate those qualities but I have noticed one important drawback; I have lost my own voice and my writing has suffered because of that. By making sure that no one's opinion were dismissed I'd stopped having my own.


Maybe people did not comment because I stopped sharing anything of substance. I was overly concerned with making every one happy.Ignored my own needs to express my anger, my convictions and my opinions. I am still want to remain an open minded person but it is time for a rebirth of sorts.

It is time to let out my inner Sasha so that I can become stronger, better, faster, stronger and dynamic. Fear of being judged a hypocrite or intolerant of other beliefs kept me somewhat superficial in the past. Now I am free to express myself without shame or guilt.

Who is LL&L. I am very weak with many strengths. I am nicest hot-tempered person I know. I am very understanding with some inflexible convictions. I possess prideful humility. I am doormat that won't be disrespected. It is time to embrace my whole self and to not worry about being inconsistent or disappointing people just by being true to myself.


I invite you to do the same. Love yourself unconditionally and don't be quick to judge. Take the time to observe the dynamic spirit in every life you come across and your life will be deeply meaningful.

Have hidden parts of yourself to please others? If so what do you think would change if you made a commitment to express yourself as you are, instead of trying to make yourself conform to other people's standards?

I'm a Bitch I'm a Lover Meredith Brooks
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hold my hand by Adam Foster | Codefor

My husband has been my best friend for 17 years, but we have only been together for 4 1/2 years. The love that we have for each other has been a constant work in progress, but I am so grateful that it took so long. Why? I think it gave us a chance to develop a strong friendship as our foundation.

I was not a virgin when we started dating but I felt like one; when we started dating I was celibate, going on 9 years. I had a boyfriend for 2 years and we never even kissed, just hugged and held hands. When that realtionship did not work out I found myself wishing that I could just be with my best friend, but I knew it could never work. One problem, he did not want to wait for marriage to have sex, and I did not want to even kiss until my wedding day. The main problem was that I had never looked at my friend in that way. I knew that you shouldn't force romantic feelings, even if you think that person would be good for you. So for more than 1 year I tried hard not to kill all thoughts of us being together.

Then I noticed that he started becoming distant. He stopped opening up to me, barely called, and sometimes sounded irritated. It concerned me and I knew I had to do something to save are relationship. One night, alone in my apartment, I thought of how much I cared about this man but I'd never told him. If you can't tell by now I am a very expressive person; I wear my heart on my sleeve and I tell my friends and family what they mean to me. I've done this with everyone but him.

In the past he'd expressed interest in dating to me and I thought that to tell him that how great I thought he was would be leading him. Now things were different, he barely wanted to be around me, and was focused on so many other girls I knew that leading him on would not be a problem. So with a little courage I called him with the intention of having a 5 minute conversation about how lucky I am to have a friend like him. I called him all right but that's not what happened.

The conversation started off by me asking him if I was his best friend. I don't remember how he answered but I do remember him saying that he never knew that I considered him mine. I didn't know how that was possible; he's the only person on earth that I have told everything thing to, poor guy. Then I started to tell him how much I appreciated him and moved on to I did not know what I would do without him.

Then, without warning my mouth seemed to have a mind of its own; it said things that I had not planned to say, and expressed feeling I didn't know I felt. With a shaky voice I apologized for never letting he knows before how much I loved and adored him. I went on and on about his wonderful attributes that made him basically the best human being I've ever known. How grateful I was for him sticking by my side through some rough periods and how he deserved nothing but the best out of life.

As my mouth open the flood gates of my heart's emotions poured out. I'd always believed that friendship can be a profound love, but this was different. I was expressing was something more than that. Finally after 45 minutes of none stop talking I tried to catch my breath as I waited for his response. I thought he would respond by telling me that we would always be the best friends and that I had nothing to worry about. Instead he responded by saying, "All I ever wanted was a chance."

Still possessing some denial over what had just happened I needed some clarification. "What do you mean?" I said bashfully but with a silent grin. "Let me take you out on Sunday" and I said okay. Though I still felt unsure if we could work, I was in love by the second date, without even so much as a kiss. I'm not bragging, after all it did take us 14 years to get there but it was worth every minute to have my best friend by my side to have and to hold from this day forward.


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