Daddy Don't Spank No More

Originally uploaded by Xiguli - Lisa




One of my favorite memories of me and my dad is the first and last time my dad spanked me. I know that sounds weird but let me explain.

I was, am and always will be daddy’s little girl, or baby girl as he use to call me. I loved spending time with my dad, watching TV with my dad, wrestling with my dad, working on cars with my dad, pretty much anything that involved my dad I loved to do, even if things I'd never do it alone (like watching Star Trek). My dad has an engaging laugh, a magical hug, impressive cognitive abilities, ambitious vision, eclectic interest, etc... He never tried to force his interest on me but just shared himself and the things he liked to do. My dad was offered a job in Texas and that’s why we moved down there. In Texas I learned how to get along with others, and one way was to try my best not to stand out. Don’t be the best dressed, but don’t be the worst either. Don’t be the teacher’s pet, but don’t get any F’s or D’s. I never was treated badly for being different, but I did not want to test the boundaries seeing that my skin color stuck out like a sore thumb.

I was a pretty smart kid and I liked learning, but I was scared that being labeled as a nerd was social suicide. Whenever someone, especially a teacher, put me on a pedestal or on the spot I quickly adjusted so that I could blend in again. I noticed early on in my life that I have the ability to take interest in just about anything. One thing I love my dad for is that he did not label or expect specific things from me. He introduced me to everything and stood back as I observed and decided for my self whether or not I wanted to try it out. He gets a lot of the credit for my interest in chess, football, books, math and anything else that could be perceived harshly by my critics.

Still I was a normal kid who loved to play. I especially loved to ride my bike. When I was 6 years old we stayed in a small two bedroom apartment. I was supposed to bring my bike inside every time I finished riding it; I didn't know why at the time but I assume it was to keep it from getting stolen. For some reason I would forget and leave it outside anyway. One day my father came home from work and saw that I again left my bike outside after several corrections. He was so calm when he instructed me to go my room. He sat down on my bed and told me why he was upset with me and gave the world famous “this is going to hurt me more than you” speech. I remember clearly that my dad barely touched my bottom as he spanked me, but I cried anyway.

He left my room and closed the door behind him. While perched on my knees right by the door, the gravity of what had just happened sunk in and I screamed at the top of my lungs, “HE DOESN’T LOVE ME ANY MORE!. HE DOESN’T LOVE ME ANY MORE! HE DOESN’T LOVE ME ANY MORE!” As a kid I hardly ever cried; in fact my mother jokingly calls me ice queen. Today was different. I just kept repeating the “he doesn’t love me…” mantra until my voice gave out. At the time, I knew without a doubt that the spanking hurt my heart WAY more than it hurt his. Now of course I have a different perspective. I was a 6 years old daddy’s girl and believe; it was no coincidences that my father never spanked me again.

Fast forward to me at 9 years old with a C on my report card and teachers commenting that they believe that I’m not living up to my potential. (Question - How do teachers know that?) I'm in my bedroom with my dad as he explains that I'm on punishment is becuase he expects me to give my best. During these lectures I’d present a stone face, but my heart felt ripped my heart to shreds explaining to me how disappointed he was in me. All I could remember thinking was, “I wish he would just spank me.”

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Mommy Me and Moving

Originally uploaded by Airchinapilot

I spent time with my mommy. I am a grown woman but I still get excited to spend good quality time with my mom. We are both busy and have a hard time getting together even though we live about 20 minutes from each other. It does not seem that long ago that I my interest in college was based on the distance away from home. The further it was away from my mom the better. I can only laugh at myself now knowing that his is a just a normal part of growing up. I have always loved my mom and have nothing but nice things to say about her.

My mom was engaged to my dad when she was 17 years old. Her freshman year in college she made an doctor's appointment so start taking birth control pills, but during that appointment she found out that she was pregnant with me. My parents got married and moved into an apartment, and I was born. At my parent's were both 18 when they had me and as you can imagine times were hard. I'd like to think of myself as daddy's and mommy's little girl. I love my dad with all my heart, but I loved spending time with my mom. I loved watching tearjerkers with her, cooking with, gardening with her...anything she did I wanted to be right there.

I'm sure she would not agree. She tells me that the fist night that she brought me home I slept through the night, and was that way for the rest of my childhood. The first day she took my to school she tried her best to prepare me for what was going to happen. She would have to leave me with some very nice teachers but that she would pick me up and take me home everyday. She knew that I could not understand and worried that I would cry and beg her not to leave. So she took me to school and at the door reminded me that she would be back and I said, "okay mommy, see you later." I was so focused on playing with the other kids that I did not notice my mom crying in the doorway. Mom tells me about how she had to watch me like a hawk because I'd love everyone and she knew that I would leave with anyone who would have me.

As a teenagers it was sometimes difficult to be around her. I did not know how make my own decisions and I felt controlled by her; I knew that with a significant distance between us I would mature. That's the main reason why I wanted to go to a school in Alabama but only made it to Ohio. Not that far away from Michigan but it was the perfect distance. I'd visit home often but I was still able to make my own choices. This was great for us and she became my best friend. There was no longer tension in our relationship, instead I was call to talk about any and everything. For the first time I could openly talk about sex, school and secrets. Being friends with your parents is better than a peer relationship because she had already been and give great advice. I was able to trust her more because she seemed to respect me as a young adult. I loved to bring my friends home to her because I knew that nobody had a mom as cool, down to earth, smart or fun as my mom. I wanted to share the wealth and did so as she let anyone I befriended call her mom.

Now mom is talking about moving to another state to find a new job. I want her to go whenever she needs to go to find success, happiness and hopefully love but I don't want her to leave me. Though I don't see her as much I'd like to I know that she is always a phone call away. I find myself daydreaming about being able to by a mansion that can house my whole family, everyone having their own wing but a huge kitchen and living room so that we can all spend time together. I told my mom of my desire and she smirked and said I need to be at least a two blocks away from you. What a role reversal, my mom would not allow me to go to Alabama because it was too far away, now she seems open to moving to Canada. I feel like I miss her already even though she is still close to me.

Its A Family Affair- getting honest with grandpa

Sometimes I feel like a walking contradiction; one post is about how much my family loves me and the next comment expresses thoughts on being a disappointment to them. The thing is that I could not pick a better family, and they have not had a chance to see me shine yet. For instance I wish that I was closer to my grandfather. It is not a lack of love on either side, it is just that I find myself avoiding my family as a whole. Sometimes it is hard fro me to separate one persons opinion from the family unit. This is not good because I don't think certai8n people know how much I love them. In particular I don't talk to or see or my grandfather. So to fix that I tried to come up fool proof conversation that did not lead to the disappointing,"what are you doing with your life" talk.

My new plan to rebuild bridges was to plan out my conversations before I call people. I try to come up with something of mutual interest and try to gracefully end the conversation before it became too personal. Armed and confident I called my grandfather because I miss him so much. My grandfather answered the phone and was so surprised that I called the first thing that he asked me was "What wrong with you?" I was not at all prepared for that response and just said quickly that I wanted to talk about the current mayor. He said that he did not want to talk about that but obliged me anyway. He quickly explained his thoughts on the matter and asked me what I thought. I was not even prepared to give my opinion but I kind of mirrored what he expressed and did not now how to move to the next topic in a natural way. He asked me what was going on with me. After trying to appear as if I was really considering his question I said not much. He said "Come on, I hardly talk to you and you have nothing new to share?"


I know my grandfather is very smart; I tried to get over on him and he saw right through me. He knew what I was trying to do but I was hoping that since he is a man he would not question my avoidance; in fact a lot of men welcome it. I gave a quick blurb about working for my husband and tried to quickly and smoothly find my footing. I finally shared that I felt scared at the thought of disappointing him. I thought that saying that to him would hurt our relationship even more; instead it cleared the air for an honest and sincere conversation. He said that he'd gotten everything off his chest he needed to and that he just wanted to understand that my life was up to me.

I should believe this already but I needed every word. I needed to know that he loves me and always will and that I should not avoid him because I am the apple of his eye. He proceeded to walk me down memory lane of all the things he did for me and with me because he loves me. I have always know that my grandfather is special and that I'd be lost without him, but now I know that he feels that way about me too! I was trying to avoid disappointment but I instead I was avoiding love, support and the most important people in my life. Though I have felt disrespected by some, I have never felt that from my grandpa. Having him as my grandfather reminds me that I am intelligent, good natured, beautiful and dynamic because of my DNA.

Sly & The Family Stone - Family Affair (Live)

Have you ever disappointed someone who has unconditional love for you? How do you handle it? What do you do when someone you love disappoints you?

Mean Uncle George- by Lazy King

2 years ago, one of my uncles and I decided to live together for money savings. Let's name him George. I was 21 and he was 43.

Unfortunately I immediately realized he wasn't the person I thought he was. George was selfish; he never shared anything and never did me a favor. He wasn't cleaning up his mess, wasn't doing his dishes and sometimes was too lazy to flush the toilet. I'm not exaggerating! George was also the most negative person in my life. Every time, I had to apply for a job, scholarship, student loans etc... He was telling me that I'll get a negative response. He liked to argue too, his attitude was something like "I'm older than you so I can do whatever I want and I'm always right". Then I gave him the silence treatment because he wasn't pleasant at all. It was awkward living with someone without talking to each other. His reaction to the silence treatment was to call my parents and tell them that I was rude and I was ignoring him. I'm not a drama person, so I let it go once again. Did I mention he was racist? He was disgusted by any other race and sometimes I felt that he didn't even like his own people.

One day George came to me and said that he has not any issues with me that he really appreciates me but he doesn't like to chat a lot with me because we don't have the same interests. Seriously what kind of 43 years old man opens his mouth and says such things?

Meanwhile we were working at the same office. I was hired for part time because I'm a college student but he was working full time. After few weeks, it was clear to all of our coworkers that I was more professional, nicer and had better results than him even though he had more experiences. That situation must have killed him. He started doing every stupid and mean thing to me so I could be late or not showing up at work.

After that I was completely certain that this man is insane and I decided to ignore him for the rest of my life regardless what my parents/brothers/sisters/cousins would say. I left him and rented an apartment for only myself without telling him anything. Now George is dead to me but I learned that:

--You can be more than 30 and still be immature and stupid
--Never let someone else negativity break you down
--You never know someone real personality until you live with him or her
--People can be your enemy even if you are really nice to them