2 years ago, one of my uncles and I decided to live together for money savings. Let's name him George. I was 21 and he was 43.
Unfortunately I immediately realized he wasn't the person I thought he was. George was selfish; he never shared anything and never did me a favor. He wasn't cleaning up his mess, wasn't doing his dishes and sometimes was too lazy to flush the toilet. I'm not exaggerating! George was also the most negative person in my life. Every time, I had to apply for a job, scholarship, student loans etc... He was telling me that I'll get a negative response. He liked to argue too, his attitude was something like "I'm older than you so I can do whatever I want and I'm always right". Then I gave him the silence treatment because he wasn't pleasant at all. It was awkward living with someone without talking to each other. His reaction to the silence treatment was to call my parents and tell them that I was rude and I was ignoring him. I'm not a drama person, so I let it go once again. Did I mention he was racist? He was disgusted by any other race and sometimes I felt that he didn't even like his own people.
One day George came to me and said that he has not any issues with me that he really appreciates me but he doesn't like to chat a lot with me because we don't have the same interests. Seriously what kind of 43 years old man opens his mouth and says such things?
Meanwhile we were working at the same office. I was hired for part time because I'm a college student but he was working full time. After few weeks, it was clear to all of our coworkers that I was more professional, nicer and had better results than him even though he had more experiences. That situation must have killed him. He started doing every stupid and mean thing to me so I could be late or not showing up at work.
After that I was completely certain that this man is insane and I decided to ignore him for the rest of my life regardless what my parents/brothers/sisters/cousins would say. I left him and rented an apartment for only myself without telling him anything. Now George is dead to me but I learned that:
--You can be more than 30 and still be immature and stupid
--Never let someone else negativity break you down
--You never know someone real personality until you live with him or her
--People can be your enemy even if you are really nice to them
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yep, all of those points are true! people are people, no matter if they are related to you or not. i had a spat with my uncle (by marriage)about 8 years ago, and still, i have nothing to say to him. i basically look right through him when he's around. this spat also altered my relationship with my aunt (my mom's baby sister), although we're kinda cool now; that spat did tainted our relationship though. thanks for sharing. i look forward to future posts here at llnl.
ReplyDeleteThank you Virgo27, It's nice to see that I'm not the only one who lived with awful people.
ReplyDeletesad sad story.
ReplyDeleteI don't really have a mean uncle but I sometimes feel ostracized by my family because I did not turn out the way they hoped. Sometimes my family sees me a weak minded and insecure; motivated by love and concern they tell me what I should do and tell me that I'm rebellious and defensive. I found myself calling less and less and felt guilty. Now I realize that even if they don't like me or like the things I do I can deal with it as long as they are respectful. They don't treat me like an adult but I never asked them to.
ReplyDeleteNot everyone is good for me and I will no longer feel guilty for cutting people out that bring me down. I do that with my friends why should family have boundaries that they have to abide by too. If they can't respect your boundaries then they have made the decision to not have a relationship with you. I think a lot people get use to being mean because too many people let them get away with it. You can't help somebody by staying around to let them bring you down.
Maybe one day your uncle will look up and miss you and become a aware of how he treated you and others. Maybe one day he will not only apologize but will change for the better. If he doesn't that's his lost, not yours.
Lazy King! I'm sorry you had such a bad experience w. that nutty meany. The 4 things you learned are so so very true!
ReplyDeleteSome people, the nicer you are to them, the jerkier they are. I'm glad you got out from that negative atmosphere. I think he was just jealous of your youth and intelligence and had to make you feel miserable to make himself feel better! And, you know they say, you can pick your friends, but not your relatives ;-)
LL: I loved what you wrote too! I feel the same way...we shouldn't feel guilty for cutting people out of our lives who are bad for us. Why should we let them drag us down. People will treat you the way they can get away with. If you let them know you're not playing their game anymore, they'll move on. And, family can be the worst offenders! But, just cause they are related doesn't give them license to be awful to you.
ReplyDeleteWe deserve happiness and a drama free zone in our lives. I'm all for cutting people loose who prove to be unsuitable. May you all find truly nice and genuine, worthy people to be pals with!
@LLnL, what you said is so true, and if I had a family I would hate if they treat me like an adult but they still need to respect me (because I will respect them)
ReplyDelete@Amusing Bunni, thanks you. I told my sister (she is also a close friend) that if a family member doesnt respect me, I'll just forget him. That means, I didnt choose my relatives but I'll choose if I stay with them or not.
I'm one of the youngest but everyone knows that they should treat me with respect. I think everyone deserves that even my little brothers.